Everyone I know wants Joey Comeau to be inside of them
I met Joey Comeau for the first time the other day. We met at noon and started drinking martinis, before we moved on to double vodkas. True, it may have been ill-advised to get drunk with someone I met on the internet, on a Monday, in the middle of the afternoon, but like Joey says in his newest book, “Live for today, you retarded little shit. The end is near.”

We actually met so Joey could give me a copy of that book, OVERQUALIFIED, so I could read it. And I did. The first thing I noticed about Joey’s new book was the paper it was printed on; it’s thick and heavy and when you run your fingers down it, you can feel the lines of that paper, like you can sometimes feel the lines forming on your girlfriends face, and you’re reminded that you’ve been with her for too long, but then forget about it when she looks up at you from between your legs. That might not seem important since this is supposed to be a book review, but it gets me to my point: reading OVERQUALIFIED was exactly like that - I was remembering and forgetting everything I loved about everyone I loved. I was reminded of the person my parents and grandparents had hoped for me to be, and then forgot all that when I was reminded of that person who fucked her professors. I remembered my brother always falling and never crying, and forgot that when I was reminded of him eating pizza in front of the computer everyday wearing sweatpants in our parents’ house. Touching that heavy paper and remembering and forgetting again; I wasn’t sure how I felt about this book.

Reading OVERQUALIFIED was like being on a really emotional date; where you get really drunk and tell each other things you never meant to. Like that time you came in your own eye, or how you were jealous of your brother because he got to live with your grandparents, or how you perform puppet shows after sex, or who you’d want to be with when the world ends, or about the nightmares you’ve been having lately about bugs and vomit and gum, or about the strangers you would really like to fuck. (You can find all that and MORE in Joey’s book!) It’s the best date and it’s the worst date because you’re laughing and then trying not to cry and then you’re all hot and bothered but at the end of the night, you’re not entirely sure if you should see each other again. Were you too honest? Did you say too much?

I’ve only told you what it’s like to read the book, and I’ve forgotten to mention all the normal stuff about the book, the stuff I should mention, like how it’s written in letters, cover letters actually, to companies and are all signed by Joey. He told me the book was about his brother, but I don’t know if I really believe that. I think the book is about Joey Comeau and that’s my problem with it. I want to know what is truth! I want to know where the real Joey is. I want to dissect every letter and figure out what really happened and what didn’t. What’s real and what’s not. I want to figure out what we have in common. I want to know why it is exactly that Joey Comeau can be so very dirty and still make me feel sad. Why does his letter to Hallmark make me feel so uncomfortable laughing about International Stalker Day? Why am I identifying with his letter to Gillette and why am I too, hoping for blood swirling down the drain? Stop making me imagine her flavours while you lay your flesh on her tongue! Stop making me worry about how often I talk to my grandparents and stop making me remember everything I’ve never asked them! Stop making me miss my brother! Stop convincing me of the last girl! Nothing lasts forever! I hate you Joey Comeau. I hate you and I hate your stupid book.